Oh how you haunt me contradiction!!!!

My mind only races when sleep is chasing it, yet this is when my creativity and/or insanity peaks. I'm thinking and hating the fact that I have become uncomfortable in my self made cynical cycle of love. I've always had a cowardly, yet convenient approach to love. I always saw love as a kind of detached attachment, you know nice but not necessary and always temporary. My inner Carrie Bradshaw, is screaming, "IF I MET ME NOW, I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW ME." Discomfort has invaded my comfort zone, it's underwhelmingly strange that when he is near, something magnetic happens forcing me to touch him. I used to think that PDA's and long walks were absurdly unnecessary, yet I've developed an insatiable craving for both. I used to loathe women who lived for their mates, until I contemplated a new zip code just to breath his air! I now want what I once hated. I need want I never needed. I yearn for that something that I used to shun. I'm a walking contradiction. When will I find peace?  Does love ever have a happy medium? Is the medium, happy? Or is it a mere state of contentment? I like love, it's the journey to love that causes me much strife! How awesome would it be if I could wake up tomorrow and just be in love without having to work for it, name it, cry over it or dwell on it. Just be happy and in love, or content with love or even satisfied in the knowing that, "hey, this love." If you think its love, then that's all that matters...right?  I mean, in the end, just like life it's temporary... and just like that I'm back in my contradictory stride!